“If I Were King of the Forest”

Remember the Cowardly Lion expounding on what he would do if he were in charge? I think we all have some ideas of changes we would like to make if we had complete control. (BTW, you can still write me in for Emperor the next time you go vote. I’m on the Cocktail Party Ticket.)
Here are some of mine . . .
Robo-Calls would be outlawed. Not sure if I would utilize existing law enforcement, or volunteer vigilante forces to hunt these people down. Probably be best to leave it in the hands of those who have been victimized by those BUH-ZILLION phone calls. Justice will be done.
NFL overtime rules would be changed. BOTH teams would get a chance to score. NO Clock. Start at the opponent’s 40 yard line, and do your best . . . just like high school, college. Keep going till someone gets the upper hand. Each succeeding possession, each team loses one player (i.e. 10 on 10 then 9 on 9 etc.)
The term “celebrity” would be reserved for persons who truly deserve to be “Celebrated”. Teachers, involved parents, kids who stay outta trouble, people who unselfishly help others. . . Pretending to be someone else, is not cause for celebration. Nor is an adult playing a children’s game (no matter how well they do it)
Everyone would be required to live a quiet life. You can live it how you see fit (as long as you abide by the law) but do it quietly. I will mind my own business, and not try to convince you mine is the correct, or better way to live. You do the same.
Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter would only be allowed to share family photos, cute kitty and dog photos, and recipes. Everything else, see the previous item.
ALL political offices would be limited to one 6 year term. Just enough time to get stuff accomplished, not enough time to completely screw things up. No bouncing between jobs either (i.e. Representative ends term then runs for Senate). Ya get one shot. Make it count. And its minimum wage.
The Super Bowl Halftime show will feature marching bands. The National Anthem will be sung by High School Choirs. All selected by audition.
First pitches of baseball games will only be thrown out by people who can bring a little heat, and get the ball over the plate.
Speaking of baseball, if you have two strikes and foul off three more, you’re out. Lets move along . . . you’re obviously not going to get a meaningful hit this time.
Chicken, crab meat, anchovies, and ranch dressing will not be allowed on Pizza. Pineapple and Canadian Bacon is allowed but discouraged.
All children will be required to walk to school, uphill, in waist high snow, both ways, to understand what their parents went through.
Anyone wishing to purchase a gun must first pass a stress test . . . like trying to get thru customer service on the phone from Dell. If you don’t end up killing someone after that, you can be trusted with a gun.
Again, just some of the planks of my platform as I run for EMPEROR. Don’t forget to write me in the next time you vote.
Events Calendar
Calendar of Events
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4 events,
Newton V.F.W. BINGO
Jasper County RSVP Free Tax Assistance Program
Jasper County RSVP Free Tax Assistance Program
This program is for low and middle income taxpayers, in addition to those age 60 and older. […]
This Week in Marshalltown: Feb 27 – March 4
This Week in Marshalltown: Feb 27 – March 4
Wednesday, March 1 - Connect Marshalltown, Smokin' G's, 4:30 - 6 p.m. Thursday, March 2- Saturday, March 4- Marshalltown Community […]
Art Fundraiser At The Newton Public Libary
Art Fundraiser At The Newton Public Libary
Take home some amazing new art while supporting your library! Enjoy refreshments from the Friends of the […]
5 events,
Newton Community Theatre presents Angel Street
Newton Community Theatre presents Angel Street
Newton Community Theatre presents Angel Street (Formerly known as Gaslight) By Patrick Hamilton Production: March 3, 4, […]
Coffee & Connect presented by The Newton Chamber and Newton Main Street 3/2
Coffee & Connect presented by The Newton Chamber and Newton Main Street 3/2
"Coffee and Connect is an informal, free monthly series and collaboration between The Newton Chamber of Commerce, […]
6 events,
Kellogg Lions Breakfast
Kellogg Lions Breakfast
Saturday March 4th the Kellogg Lions is having a breakfast in the park at the cabin. It […]
Neal Smith Astrophotography Workshop
Neal Smith Astrophotography Workshop
What: Astrophotography Workshop When: Saturday, March 4 from 1:00 pm – 2:00 pm Where: Neal Smith National […]
5 events,
Lutheran Church of Hope-Capitol II Theatre Livestream
Lutheran Church of Hope-Capitol II Theatre Livestream
Lutheran Church of Hope – Local Newton Livestream Worship Service Every Sunday, 9:30 am Capitol II Theatre […]
4 events,
Newton V.F.W. BINGO
Jasper County RSVP Free Tax Assistance Program
Newton Community Theatre presents Angel Street
This Week in Marshalltown: March 6 – 12
This Week in Marshalltown: March 6 – 12
Monday, March 6 - Live On Stage presents Divas3, Marshalltown Preforming Arts Center, 7-9 p.m. Wednesday, March 8- Caffeinated Conversations, Iowa […]
5 events,
Jasper County Veterans Affairs Open House
Jasper County Veterans Affairs Open House
There will be an Open House @ Jasper County Veteran Affairs new offices at 315 W 3rd […]
5 events,
Newton Masons March Pancake Breakfast
Newton Masons March Pancake Breakfast
The Newton Masons will be holding their March pancake breakfast on Saturday, March 11th, from 7:00-9:00AM. Pancakes, […]
5 events,
Lutheran Church of Hope-Capitol II Theatre Livestream
Lutheran Church of Hope-Capitol II Theatre Livestream
Lutheran Church of Hope – Local Newton Livestream Worship Service Every Sunday, 9:30 am Capitol II Theatre […]
2 events,
Newton V.F.W. BINGO
Jasper County RSVP Free Tax Assistance Program
3 events,
This Week in Marshalltown: March 13-19
This Week in Marshalltown: March 13-19
Friday, March 17 -St. Patrick's Day Dance, Midnight Gardens, 6-9 p.m. Friday, March 17 - Live Music by Phil Shipley, […]
4 events,
Free Movie At Capitol 2 Theatre 3/13 & 3/15
Free Movie At Capitol 2 Theatre 3/13 & 3/15
The Movie Minions The Rise Of Gru is being shown for free at The Capitol 2 Theatre […]
5 events,
Newton American Legion St Patricks Dinner 3/17
Newton American Legion St Patricks Dinner 3/17
American Legion having a St. Patrick dinner. March 17th 5:30PM-Gone $10.00 cornbeef & Cabbage with red potato […]
8 events,
Prarie City Blood Drive 3/18
Prarie City Blood Drive 3/18
PRAIRIE CITY-MONROE BLOOD DRIVE When: Saturday, MARCH 18 th TIME: 7:15 am—10:30 am WHERE: First Reformed Church […]
Prairie City Pancake Breakfast
Prairie City Pancake Breakfast
LIONS PANCAKE BREAKFAST The Prairie City Lions Club is having their monthly pancake breakfast Saturday morning MARCH […]
Jasper Co League of Women Voters Hosting Legislative Gathering
Jasper Co League of Women Voters Hosting Legislative Gathering
There will be a Legislative Gathering this Saturday, March 18th at 10:00 am, at the Newton Library, […]
Smartphone Photography 101 Workshop
Smartphone Photography 101 Workshop
What: Smartphone Photography 101 Workshop When: Saturday, March 18 from 10:00 am – 12:00 pm Where: Neal […]
Mulligan Stew Supper
Mulligan Stew Supper
Mulligan Stew Supper on Saturday, March 18 from 5 to 7 pm at the Immaculate Conception Catholic […]
5 events,
Jasper County Take Away Hunger 3/25/
Jasper County Take Away Hunger 3/25/
Holy Trinity Lutheran Church will host the Jasper County Take Away Hunger meal packing event on Saturday, […]
Lutheran Church of Hope-Capitol II Theatre Livestream
Lutheran Church of Hope-Capitol II Theatre Livestream
Lutheran Church of Hope – Local Newton Livestream Worship Service Every Sunday, 9:30 am Capitol II Theatre […]
3 events,
Newton V.F.W. BINGO
Jasper County RSVP Free Tax Assistance Program
Newton Community Theatre Auditions
Newton Community Theatre Auditions
Getting Gary By Brian Mitchell Directed by Mary Thompson Production: June 2, 3, 4, 9, 10 & 11, […]
3 events,
This Week in Marshalltown: March 20-26
This Week in Marshalltown: March 20-26
Wednesday, March 22 -Trivia Night, Tannin, 6:30-8:30 p.m. Thursday, March 23 -Trivia Night, Tannin, 6:30-8:30 p.m. Friday, March 24 - Daddy […]
4 events,
Newton Public Library Board Meeting 3/23
Newton Public Library Board Meeting 3/23
A meeting of the Newton Public Library Board will take place at 4 p.m. Thursday, March 23rd […]
4 events,
Tour Newton By Bus 3/24
Tour Newton By Bus 3/24
You can tour Newton on March 24th. Take a free bus tour of Newton to learn what […]
6 events,
Ham Ball Supper 3/25
Ham Ball Supper 3/25
A ham Ball Supper is being held Saturday, March 25th starting at 4:30 until they are gone […]
Need Jasper County Volunteers to Take Away Hunger
Need Jasper County Volunteers to Take Away Hunger
Holy Trinity Lutheran Church will host the Jasper County Take Away Hunger meal packaging event on Saturday, […]
PCM Fine Arts Showcase 3/25
PCM Fine Arts Showcase 3/25
PCM Fine Arts Boosters presents the 2023 Fine Arts Showcase fundraising event. Featuring and art gallery and […]
4 events,
Lutheran Church of Hope-Capitol II Theatre Livestream
Lutheran Church of Hope-Capitol II Theatre Livestream
Lutheran Church of Hope – Local Newton Livestream Worship Service Every Sunday, 9:30 am Capitol II Theatre […]
2 events,
Newton V.F.W. BINGO
Jasper County RSVP Free Tax Assistance Program
3 events,
Jasper County Concert Association Concert 3-30-23
Jasper County Concert Association Concert 3-30-23
The Jasper County Concert Association will welcome Sean Altman and Jack Skuller to the stage at the […]
3 events,
Mercy One Newton Auxiliary offering health-related scholarships.
Mercy One Newton Auxiliary offering health-related scholarships.
Mercy One Newton Medical Center Auxiliary is proud to offer scholarships to local residents once again this […]
4 events,
Kellogg Pancake Breakfast 4/1
Kellogg Pancake Breakfast 4/1
Kellogg Lions is having a breakfast at the cabin in Kellogg saturday April 1, all you can […]
Free Concert For Kids April 1st
Free Concert For Kids April 1st
An afternoon of music, movement, and fun is coming to Newton on Saturday, April 1st at 1:30 […]
3 events,
Lutheran Church of Hope-Capitol II Theatre Livestream
Lutheran Church of Hope-Capitol II Theatre Livestream
Lutheran Church of Hope – Local Newton Livestream Worship Service Every Sunday, 9:30 am Capitol II Theatre […]