“If I Were King of the Forest”

Remember the Cowardly Lion expounding on what he would do if he were in charge? I think we all have some ideas of changes we would like to make if we had complete control. (BTW, you can still write me in for Emperor the next time you go vote. I’m on the Cocktail Party Ticket.)
Here are some of mine . . .

Robo-Calls would be outlawed. Not sure if I would utilize existing law enforcement, or volunteer vigilante forces to hunt these people down. Probably be best to leave it in the hands of those who have been victimized by those BUH-ZILLION phone calls. Justice will be done.

NFL overtime rules would be changed. BOTH teams would get a chance to score. NO Clock. Start at the opponent’s 40 yard line, and do your best . . . just like high school, college. Keep going till someone gets the upper hand. Each succeeding possession, each team loses one player (i.e. 10 on 10 then 9 on 9 etc.)

The term “celebrity” would be reserved for persons who truly deserve to be “Celebrated”. Teachers, involved parents, kids who stay outta trouble, people who unselfishly help others. . . Pretending to be someone else, is not cause for celebration. Nor is an adult playing a children’s game (no matter how well they do it)

Everyone would be required to live a quiet life. You can live it how you see fit (as long as you abide by the law) but do it quietly. I will mind my own business, and not try to convince you mine is the correct, or better way to live. You do the same.

Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter would only be allowed to share family photos, cute kitty and dog photos, and recipes. Everything else, see the previous item.

ALL political offices would be limited to one 6 year term. Just enough time to get stuff accomplished, not enough time to completely screw things up. No bouncing between jobs either (i.e. Representative ends term then runs for Senate). Ya get one shot. Make it count. And its minimum wage.

The Super Bowl Halftime show will feature marching bands. The National Anthem will be sung by High School Choirs. All selected by audition.

First pitches of baseball games will only be thrown out by people who can bring a little heat, and get the ball over the plate.

Speaking of baseball, if you have two strikes and foul off three more, you’re out. Lets move along . . . you’re obviously not going to get a meaningful hit this time.

Chicken, crab meat, anchovies, and ranch dressing will not be allowed on Pizza. Pineapple and Canadian Bacon is allowed but discouraged.

All children will be required to walk to school, uphill, in waist high snow, both ways, to understand what their parents went through.

Anyone wishing to purchase a gun must first pass a stress test . . . like trying to get thru customer service on the phone from Dell. If you don’t end up killing someone after that, you can be trusted with a gun.

Again, just some of the planks of my platform as I run for EMPEROR. Don’t forget to write me in the next time you vote.